Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
ok first of all what the fuck
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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