I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
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Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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