i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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