I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
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I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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