I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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