do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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