Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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