seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Randomize