did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
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Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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