Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize