Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
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If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
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Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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