you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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