my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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