yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
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I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
how drunk are you?
Several
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize