Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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