you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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