Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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