I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
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I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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