I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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