after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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