No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
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Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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