It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
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Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
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Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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