I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize