So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Last time i carry you out of a forest
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize