Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
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I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
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Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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