i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
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3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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