hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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