I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I supernannyed him into submission
please don't ironically join a cult
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