no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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