i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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