My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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