we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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