the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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