He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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