Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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