Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize