hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
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I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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