"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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