I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i black out too much to be "responsible"
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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