im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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