You work out of a Hotel?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
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well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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