YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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