The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize