these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i think i just lost a toe
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize