you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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