I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
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You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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