I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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