so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
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I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
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Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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