Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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