I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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